I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
