i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
