Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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