apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
