I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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