I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
