Your dad touched me again.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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