I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My vagina is officially offended.
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