I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
