He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
