you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
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btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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