I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
no, he came in my armpit
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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