My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
