I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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