stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
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My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
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She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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