It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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