Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
