The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
