3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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