Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
