can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
