What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you still have your period?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
