my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
