Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
