My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
