1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize