No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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