Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
