This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
