All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
