She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
