Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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