i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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