the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
