Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
