I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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