i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
