haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
