I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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