hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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