i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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