btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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