I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
