Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
