Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
