While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
