Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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