She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just pee around me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
