So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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