I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
then he tried to convert me to islam
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
