It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
