I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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