just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
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Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
whose ass print is on the piano?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"