ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just cropdusted the office
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
