My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.