can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
