Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
