recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
