Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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