Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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