May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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