you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I need moral support for this bender
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
