I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
