Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
