i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize