she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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