were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
sex in a hospital.. check
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
