Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
honey bunches of taint.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
