so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
