Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
