I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
