Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
