I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
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Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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