My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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