i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
