is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
