She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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