people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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