The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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